Women in Mid-Life Crisis 

Words of Profound Wisdom..... But..... Unfortunately when my Wife went through this scenario, only her emotions and defense mechanisms were operating.

To truly enable this articulate forum post to sink in for women, such as my wife, and realize the total destruction of all that they once held sacred, at least verbally, would be to surmise that an inkling of reason and logic would be capable of circumventing their irrational behavior.

I have read anything and everything I could lay my eyes on over the course of the past 13 months and see everything so clearly now, which led up to this, including my own part allowing her to lead up to her misconstrued rationalizations as to why my Wife felt it necessary to create a false second life made up out of and based on deceipt and unilateral selfishness.

Thank you for posting what lies beyond a few months of false passion which was misinterpreted as true love with a long time ago boyfriend of 2 months duration from 17 years ago, connected through such sites as MyLife.com, Myspace.com and FaceBook.com, allowing a false reality of each others persona to be developed, based on unrealistic imagery and hopeful perceptions.

God Bless You and please stand true to your own beliefs, especially when no one else is looking.

Ed

Amy,

Thank you for the prompt response. As I stated previously, I have read everything I could lay my eyes on, so I am aware of the emotional distance and lengthy periods of time that occur while seemingly very little is going forward, but at least the ending of our Family has not occurred so far and although I am told by my Individual Counselor, that he is concerned that I am potentially letting myself be once again set up for a let down, by viewing even the little minute signs mean some progress is being made.

I believe is Standing up for my Marriage and Family, even if it mostly for our 7 year old sons sake at this juncture. Also, it is a journey of life to be confronted with adversity and when my head is on straight enough, I welcome the challenges as new life-long Learning Experiences, rather than view them as Mistakes.

When you mentioned being caught "Unaware", you hit the nail on the proverbial head. Just 2 weeks prior to her first discussion with me about her displeasure in our marital life, I had written a beautiful description on line on several forums that I used to heavily be engaged in, professing how terrible of a day I had, with everything going wrong at work that could have, but extolling my gratitude that upon leaving for Home to enjoy my wife and sons company, that I sincerely believed that I was the Luckiest Man In The World, to have such a Perfect Wife, flaws and all, along with such a wonderful Son.

I feel so naive and blind, that she actually had something going on behind my back for the previous 8 months and had even made mention in some e-mails to her boyfriend, as to how they would soon be together and getting married and were even looking for an apartment together.

It is only in hind-sight, after what I learned by accidental discovery, that I could put some of the pieces together to form somewhat of a truer picture of the puzzle and then and only then, could I see the beginnings of the signs that should have alerted me.

Integrity, in the face of adversity, is what I formerly believed what defined ones true character. Now, I am Praying that overcoming those additional challenges and correcting each of our short-comings can be added to the equation.

After these past 13 months though, or at least, we are amicable room-mates, but I don't know how to allow her to re-engage in a more Loving and Romantic relationship. If things remain as they are, dissatisfaction will surely arise again and all that will take is another opportunity to act on the excuses again.

Ed

Amy

Thank you for such a fantastic illustration I really needed that, It justified my knowing that the MLC that the woman I was once married to who I loved cherished respected and most of all stayed true to my vows this is how I was raised to treat your wife and family. I gave her the world but all this was not enough to save the marriage, as some have said there are phases of MLC and my wife was extream. to this date she continues to spiral downward and destroyed herself, every thing she has worked so hard for together with me, family, friends, our future plans and i could not her. I have reasearched and read quite a bit and acknowledge understanding what One must be going through, but that dose not excuse them nor removes the consequences they will fat some point in time have to face. It so sad and a loss of a good woman that's not the same woman I married 22 years ago.