Women in Mid-Life Crisis 

The other morning I was sitting at my computer, as always, writing away at my blogs and other websites, when my middle daughter, Sally came in to my office visibly shaken and upset.  She came straight over to me and gave me the biggest hug...long and hard...one like she never wanted to let go.  As I pulled away from her, I saw that she was still upset and asked why.  She fell in to my arms again and through tears said she had had a dream that I had died suddenly...that it was so REAL and she woke up with a start, upset that she had to find me to make sure I was okay.  

In that moment, I was transported back to the many times that I had had those same dreams about my own mother.  I would dream that she had died and I was lost and couldn't find her.  I would wake out of pure panic and upset running to find my mother to make sure she was okay. She would hug me and tell me that she was okay and still here, dismissing the dream as just that...unreal and not worth the drama I was displaying. She DID give hugs and kisses, but until the other day I didn't realize that through my reaction to my bad dream I had actually told my mother something very important. 

I believe it is the one fear most children have...the death of their parents. For my darling Sally, she was the first of my children to let me know they have had these dreams and as scary as it was for her....it touched me deeply that even in her sleep she is concerned for my welfare and loves me that much.  My girl, Sally is most like me in the sensitivity department ...my youngest Maggie runs a close second.

After sitting with her for a bit and reassuring her that I would probably end up living a long life...become a grumpy old woman just like my own mother just to spite all my children and just like my own mother told her..."It was just a dream."

 At about the same time of Sally's dream, I also became connected to my own struggle with my relationship with my mother, who would have been 90 years olds on October 8th of this year. I had thought that I had laid these issues with my mother to rest when she pasted a few years ago, but here they were again raising their heads again after reading Francine Rivers newest book series "Her Mother's Hope" and "Her Daughter's Dream"

Yes, I have always struggled with this relationship, as have my sister and brother.  My mother's personality was like one that had gained a reputation for all the Porter women...stubborn, inflexible, grudge-bearing, critical and pessimistic.  Even her sisters were afflicted, while running strong in us, the children would swear that they would NOT carry on the tradition.  I am unsure where it exactly comes from as I never knew my Grandmother, but always assumed it was derived from the stiff -upper lip British side of my Grandfather and his ancestors....plus a more stubborn man on this earth you would have never met. 

My father fought this stubborn streak in my mother their whole married life, trying to keep her more to the middle than being pulled in to the Black Hole of the Porter Pessimistic Perspective of life...dim, preparing for disaster or disappointment, she tended to only see the worst in situations.  My own husband was debriefed on how strong this Porter pessimism runs in the family.  The force is indeed strong and my siblings and I had and have been fighting it most of our lives.  Our children have been duly warned that they too are prone to Porter Pessimism. We have all admitted out loud that we would "NEVER want to be like our mother"!  Sadly, I believe we have all naturally leaned that way without even knowing that we were...yes, indeed the Porter Force is strong.  In fact,so strong that we have to really struggle to think of positive aspects of our mother which is proof that we all are keeping the legacy alive and well.


So with this recent event with my daughter Sally, I chose to write down some of the positive aspects of my mother in celebration of her upcoming 90th birthday!


Please tune in tomorrow...